I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
