I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
