i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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