Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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