I heard we made out
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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