I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
