Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think a kid would responsible me up
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
