Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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