did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
