U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She bit a glass in half.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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