i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
