Small penises have feelings too.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
