Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
