And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
