Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
