Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
are you still at the devil's house?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
