worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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