Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's never too late to be topless.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
