But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
