Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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