He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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