OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
