oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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