im about as happy as oj after his trial
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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