He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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