I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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