It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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