i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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