dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
