dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
