i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
