so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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