I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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