I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
