another moral hangover. fuck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
