Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize