I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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