i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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