dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
