So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
