After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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