I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
