I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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