he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
