I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
