what is it with giant penises always finding me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
