you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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