Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
