i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
