One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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