I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
