That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
