Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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